The days leading up to my 27th birthday weren’t really that good for me. For one, I have been shrouded with dark days for most of my pregnancy, and certain events and overthinking did not really help it. I really thought that I’d have one of those pregnancies where everything is just smooth-sailing. But I guess my former therapist was right… Since I have suffered from severe bouts of depression in the past, it wouldn’t be unlikely that I also experience it again during pregnancy.
I think losing my dad was a huge factor. To be honest, one of the reasons why I have completely shunned myself and my blog from its social media platforms was because I was trying to deal with several issues at once. Add to that the looming anxiety I get whenever I open my blog’s social media accounts… It’s just too difficult. I realized that I haven’t fully moved on from losing dad and that certain decisions that my mom made for herself made it even harder to accept everything.
Add to that the fact that I wasn’t performing well with my writing job and I eventually had to give it up. I never explained to my boss why because no matter what I say is not a valid reason for me to cease performing well. I tried reaching out to people… but it’s just harder for me to open up, which is why I took up blogging in the first place.
For me… everything was not going the way I wanted to in the first six months of my pregnancy. Even today as I write this birthday post, I’m not a hundred percent well. But having this blog as my outlet and solace has been a huge help… despite my not being active on social media and no longer having the audience I’ve had before. I just went back to a certain point in time where I could just be me without pleasing anybody with giveaways and shit. I feel a lot more comfortable writing this way, too…
So aside from my blog, I have my husband who made me feel better. I celebrated my 27th birthday last September 11th. We had plans but our plans fell through due to some inconsiderate people from my side of the family. I told my husband–actually, I cried to my husband, and told him that I no longer feel like doing anything on my birthday. I asked him to just leave me alone and let me just work like it’s an ordinary Wednesday. After all, I don’t feel any special these days.
But he was insistent… in his own little ways, he gathered his cousins and a few of his friends on Tuesday. Ordered some food and got me my favorite flavor of cake with dinosaur toppers. 😀
I find it really sweet of him, and although the burdens and dark clouds have yet to have faded away… his small gesture was able to lift most of it and I have no words to express just how thankful I am to have him. Despite the struggles that we have been dealing with lately, mainly due to my difficult pregnancy, he still tries his best to make the most out of what we have been given. I needed that energy in my life.
I could not imagine what my life would be like had it not been for Tim. Moving on from so many things is just too difficult for me to deal with these days. I am so grateful that even though sometimes I am battling alone, he always comes around to remind me in his small ways that we are a team. And that I should not have to go through everything by myself.
Happy 27th year to me!