I recently left my job at a big online school after working there for three years or so. To be honest, it wasn’t the easiest decision to make given the fact that my friends from work were like my family. We spent all the holidays together over the last few years, and I must be even more honest, the company greatly contributed to my personal growth.
However, my decision to leave has been creeping on me for months now. Suddenly, I’m no longer happy, suddenly waking up in the morning to go to work becomes a chore. The salary just pays my bills and I had to get a part-time job for over six months last year just to cope with my expenses. I must admit that I do live a do or die lifestyle in the past, but my paycheck doesn’t lie. It just simply goes to my bills. It hasn’t moved much since I began working there and to be honest it was demotivating. Apart from the frowned upon paycheck, one of the reasons why I decided to leave was the environment. The politics became too much for me to handle and the ever-changing processes and systems became information overload.
I found myself staying in bed longer than I should and my anxiety and depression came back I had to start seeing my therapist for a few weeks again. And it doesn’t come cheap. I had to stop if I wanted to eat well again.
I could list down a few more, but the bottom line was my job was taking its toll on my mental and physical health, add to that several health issues that we have in my family. I stopped going out for months, I just really wanted to get away from work and the people I work with and just be with myself or with my family for a change. Don’t get me wrong, I love those people I worked with but sometimes one has to be with oneself or one’s family to unwind.
I’ve been meaning to quit for months now, but I guess I never had much courage knowing that I’ve no one to depend on but myself and also because I was too concerned of what my work family would think and say about it. Although my mother offered to support me multiple times, I could not get myself to grab the opportunity because let’s face it, I have such high pride and sense of entitlement and independence from her. But when Tim said he’d support my decision to quit my job, I took it weeks later.
He saw how depressed and physically, and mentally exhausted I was and he risked being the breadwinner for a few weeks to give way to my choices. I am currently working from home as a freelance writer following my passion while giving time to my own family. Something I have always dreamt of doing but never had the courage to do until now.
I’m grateful to Tim for supporting my decision, understanding my dilemma and for believing that I can do something else other than my office job. I’m not saying that he’s the sole reason why I did this, he just gave me the extra push to do it seeing how miserable of a life I was living. I know that I have bills to pay, a wedding coming up, and a new apartment to move into, I’m risking everything financially but I’m glad I finally took this leap.
I am very unhappy with my previous job, I also got tired of the long travel time it became very inconvenient for me and even with the bonuses we’ve been getting, the entire idea of me working there no longer sounded appealing to me.
I got so exhausted with the entire system and the whirlwinds of changes that happen all the time. As much as I wanted to stay, I wanted to start taking care of my mental health as I believe I have been putting it off for years in the pursuit of a better pay, for a better position.
If there is one thing I realized after submitting my (unapproved) immediate resignation letter was that a sound mind is always more productive than an anxiety-ridden one. I am still facing a couple of bumps with my resignation but I am at the point in my life that I am starting not to care so much about what people would say. Their opinion would not validate my person nor will it define me. If I just listen to everyone’s plea about my leaving, I would only get sentimental and nostalgic and would not find the peace I need in my life and I would not be able to chase my passion.
I am sure that people from my workplace have so much to say about my decision, about how wrong and untimely it is, about how selfish it is, but here’s the only thing I have to say to all that: I’m happier.
I’m still on the brink of bankruptcy but money can be earned, my mental and physical health, on the other hand, might suffer too much it might drive me to my grave, no exaggeration.
To anyone who’s going through the same thing, my heart and prayers go with you. Take that leap and live the life you want one step at a time.